Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
