Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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