u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
