so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
