Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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