So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We are two peas in an std pod
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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