i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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