i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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