Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Alive.
So much puke
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
