i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
