I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
