two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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