im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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