Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
