"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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