Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
