the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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