Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
