I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
