just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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