I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
