I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
