They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
