No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
