omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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