A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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