just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
