Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
