hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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