New invention idea: vibrating tampons
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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