She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
