Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
