this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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