Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
