"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
