"it" just moved
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
