i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
