You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
