Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
