I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The air taste purple.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
