i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
