I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
