the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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