I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
