Got a toothbrush?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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