I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
