I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
