hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
