thus making me awesome and them whores
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
