hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
