Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
