So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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