last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
